


who am I to judge?

by Modlisznik



Category: Mars: War Logs, The Technomancer (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cannibalism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 07:19:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Modlisznik/pseuds/Modlisznik
Summary: No matter your choices, there's only one person that always dies by Roy's hand in Mars: War Logs. Why?...or an attempt to breach the differences between MWL and The Technomancer.





	who am I to judge?

  


Somebody was here, in the tunnels.

Years of living in the shadows, of sneaking and hiding sharpened Roy's situation awareness beyond normal human capabilities. He learned to rely on this subtle sense, feel the movement of the air around, notice the differences in the way the sound spread.

He wasn't alone. There was no doubt about this.

Frankly, he should have expected something like this. Things were going down almost too smoothly - as much as any smoothness was possible in this hellhole. Innocence did get a job in the power plant and managed to not only to not fry himself but also get an invaluable intel. With Jey's and Bob's help, Roy was able to secure enough water to survive the trip. The opportunity to create a decoy almost threw itself into his hands, as Roy couldn't possibly imagine a more fortunate moment for the Mutant uprising. He was even able to stash some weapons that will give them an edge against the guards. Everything was almost ready. He just needed to retrieve the guns.

But now somebody was here, in this small alcove where they had been hidden, wrapped in some bloodied uniform and buried in the sand. Roy tightened his lips. Of course, some part of his plan had to go fuck itself. Of course the one near the very end.

His hand found its way to the grenade in his pocket. He could just throw it in that direction and get this over with. The blast wouldn't be big enough to collapse the tunnel. He could remove this last obstacle in one move. He could…

...oh but he couldn't, could he? Not if there's any other option. Not if he wanted to remain himself.

He took one step back.

\- Don't run away, it's only me.

Roy didn't know this voice, and the fact alarmed him. He wasn't familiar with all inmates, but the number of people who could be interested in meeting him was limited. If there was something so invested in Roy's actions, and he wasn't aware of their existence… then he has probably made an unforgivable mistake.

But now he needed to deal with it.

\- It's awfully crowded here today. - He smiled crookedly, even though nobody would see it in the dark. - And here I thought I could have some quality time alone.

There was some rustle, then the sound of two steps.

\- Apologies for disturbing you, but it's the only place where we can talk in private.

And there was light; Roy felt it even before it reached his eyes, as it was the cold, blue glow of technomancy.

He was standing there, Technomancer Sean, the commander of Camp 19; tall but relaxed, hands dropped to his sides, his palms open. Somehow he looked… different; not friendly, but at ease, his face softer. A trick of the light, maybe?

_His voice was different._

It was a performance, Roy realized, The Strict Technomancer, every gesture and movement carefully constructed, down to that irritating nasal voice. The public persona. The very thing that made Roy escape his old life.

He hated to have his every step scrutinized and deemed inadequate; he hated to pretend in the every second of his life that he's someone else because who he really was has been damaging to the prestige of his profession. He hated to pretend that he's a technomancer.

Now he ended up pretending that he's not a technomancer.

\- You overdid it a bit, if you'd ask me - he said. - But if you like that tall, lean and mean persona, who am I to judge.

\- They're simple people and need a simple message. But you, Roy, were so careful about this. What happened?

\- What happened with what?

\- You keeping a low profile. And I'm not even speaking about that exposed scars on your temples. The war is ending; just wait a bit more and nobody will hold you here. But suddenly this camp is full of you, mingling with the guards, finding colonial relics, delivering weapons to the Mutants. - He clicked his tongue, as a teacher disappointed with his student. - Sloppy.

Roy tightened his grip on the pipe. One of these fuckers sold him.

\- You didn't see it coming - Sean said slowly, and there was a hint of sadness in his voice. - My sweet summer child, you're in Abundance now. Of course you had been watched.

Shadows have mercy, was this one of their beloved Earthian quotes? Roy almost groaned.

Yet there was a more important question in Roy's mind now, but he wouldn't degrade himself by saying it out loud. Instead, he examined faces, events, connections; who was it? Who could sell him and Innocence?

_Everyone. Every single one of these scumbags. But it's always the most dependable ones who betray us, aren't they?_

\- Jey - he said. He was tired. - Have you at least paid him well?

\- He has his own debt to pay, and he hasn't finished it yet; not until I live. - The technomancer narrowed his eyes. - You see, Jey has tried to escape a few times before, and his most recent attempt was almost successful. There was three of them, two men and a boy even younger than yours, and they escaped on foot; there was no pursuit, it was sure that Mars will kill them instead. - His nostrils flared. - Turns out, they lost their way in the dunes and survived long enough to starve. Turns out, one of them was prepared for that. Turns out, that was the reason he dragged the boy along.

Roy closed his eyes, feeling the wave of dread and disgust. He wanted to wash himself as if he could scrub away the images creeping into his brain.

\- Jey killed him for that - the technomancer continued - but the deed was done. Eventually, he found his way back to the camp and is trying to atone ever since. Now he sees you hanging around that boy. Do you see a pattern?

Feeling the charge building up inside him, Roy took a long, steady breath; not his years at the Source, but the following years on the road taught him how to control this rage, the need to scream his fury, crackling and bright, to the whole world. He was better than that. He needed to be better; steady, calm, precise. Dependable. Not only for his own sake; not anymore.

\- That's exactly the thing I'm anxious about - he said when he was sure that his voice will be perfectly calm. - You asked what made me so impatient. I could wait a bit more if I had to. But Innocence needs to get the fuck out of here, and fast.

And it was all going so smoothly as if the very reality was agreeing on this statement. But only until now.

He didn't even know why he decided to be honest with this man; not like he proved himself to be especially straightforward or lacking any hidden agenda. He wanted something, this was beyond question. But still, he arranged this meeting in the belly on the Mars, in the one place his men wouldn't dare to go to spy on them. Roy didn't know much about Abundance, but the constant surveillance was something he has heard about; it was reckless of him to not take this into account. Knowing Roy's every step, the technomancer surely was fully prepared to stop their escape.

Still, now he was standing right here, speaking with a different voice, completely still in an impressive display of self-control, but also - Roy realized - an attempt to be as non-threatening as possible. And as long as he was just standing there, his hand open and surrounded with a faint glow of electricity, a perfect target in the darkness - Roy couldn't just shoot him down and get this over with. Not if there was still a chance that the words will suffice. Not if he wanted to remain himself.

\- I'm trying to pin you down - the technomancer spoke. - You don't strike me as a hero; you don't really care about these mutants, do you? You gave them hammers and saws; the soldiers have semi-automatic rifles and acid throwers. They will be massacred.

\- Perhaps they prefer it than a single more day here. - Roy looked him straight in the eyes. They were motionless and very, very blue. - Who am I to tell them what should they endure?

\- Have you told that to the boy?

\- He will learn, in time. For now, he needs this hope.

\- This image of you?

Roy shrugged.

\- I've never asked for this, but if that's what it takes for him to believe that he's not alone…

But this conversation became too introspective for Roy's liking.

\- Now, this is all incredibly exciting, this meeting in the darkness; had I knew I'll meet you there, I would at least brushed my hair. - Roy sighed. - But seeing as you made no move to either kiss me or put me in chains, I'm guessing you have something else in mind.

The technomancer allowed himself the slightest smile.

\- I wanted to know whether the boy has any chance of survival by your side.  And as you're reasonable, it seems, let me aid you with these weapons I'm currently blocking your access to. Leave them here.

Roy's brow arched.

\- That sounds like an exact opposite of aiding.

\- They are useless; they will tear off your fingers when overheated, and they will overheat for sure.

\- You're sending us to fight moles with sabotaged weapons?

\- Of course we are. What were you thinking?

_Exactly. What was I thinking?_

Roy rolled his eyes.

\- Well, at least I'll still have my pipe. Not many things can go wrong with a rusty pipe, you know. A dependable simplicity.

\- You can take my gun if you'd like. A token of good will.

The technomancer finally moved one hand, ever-so-slowly, but after that stillness it was so unexpected that Roy winced. He was ready to roll back into darkness, his eyes fixed on the technomancer, but there was no need for that. The man reached under his coat, revealing on his open palm a small firearm, sleek and metallic.

Abundance clearly cared about her guns more than about her people.

\- I'll just leave it on the ground; you can take it, if you like. You'll find enough bullets on my soldiers.

\- So now you're actually sabotaging yourself? - The pistol was indeed nice, but Roy doubted in good will, wherever it came from. - What do you want in return?

\- I want you to succeed. Actually, no. - The technomancer frowned. - There's no point in pretending anymore; I don't really care what will happen to you, but I want you to grab the boy, get into the train and ride away. And for that to happen, I need to ask you one thing: I want you to kill me.

Roy sighed; something was telling him that the conversation will go this way. Perhaps because he knew this way of thinking, of seeing the world in only the bleakest colours, of noticing only treachery and malice. Perhaps because he was there once.

\- I don't take lives. - He shook his head. _Not anymore._ Perhaps he could make him understand if he'd speak to him in their own way… - Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. But I can't give it to them, so I'm not eager to deal out death in judgement.

\- I know, Roy - the technomancer sighed - and I'm sorry that I'm asking you. But this… This is not a life. - There was bitterness in his voice. - I have… I can recite from memory all of my ancestors five generations back, when they weren't even called by that word yet. My father was forced to marry his own Master. My mother was an Auroran POW, whom they had offered her freedom in exchange for her participation in the breeding program. Who knows, maybe we are related? - Flickering light painted strange shadows on his face

Roy wanted to stop listening, but he couldn't.

\- I'm the effect of thirteen decades of human engineering, Roy, five generations of misery. But they decided that I carry such undesirable traits as independence and disobedience, so they sterilise me. Such a pity, to break the line this long, it produced such a nice, capable body.

\- No human being should be treated like that - Roy said. It had to be said out loud.

\- You may think, Auroran, that you are talking with a person, but it's just a body; there are people who decide what this body will eat and drink, whose bones this body will break and by whom this body will be fucked. I'm here just because they didn't yet develop a way to remove my mind; but they're trying. And I obey because everything they do to us brings us closer together.

\- Family - Roy whispered.

\- Yes. They are always there, children and elders, at the Source, within reach. Hostages. You wouldn't believe in things I have done to keep them safe.

\- We've all been used and we all used others. - Roy closed his eyes for a moment. - I won't judge you. But I will help you.

\- Thank you, Roy. I hoped you'd understand. I can't just kill myself, and I can't let you go; my family will suffer for that. I have to be seen trying to stop you; I will put up a show, but I won't put up a fight. All that I'm asking is that you make sure that I will never wake up, having to endure a single more day.

\- What about Mary? - He hated yourself for bringing her up; she wasn't his problem, and it sounded as if he was trying to persuade something. But he couldn't act like she was not a part of this.

\- Mary… - Sean hesitated for a moment. - I know how this works; she's mine now, my responsibility, another leash on my collar. Whatever will happen, I should endure, because she's waiting for me. I can't do it anymore. Not for her, not for my family in Ophir. Just once in my life, I want to be selfish.

\- You can escape - Roy said. - It's a harsh life, but it's a life. Why do you want to die?

For the first time, Sean laughed, shortly and bitterly.

\- They shoot horses, don't they?

  


**Author's Note:**

> And here I am, tackling the issues I thought I'll never mention.  
> Now I made myself sad.
> 
> Kudos to you for sticking with me to the very end. ;*


End file.
